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In Between

I spoke on a panel on yesterday at my alma mater, Emmanuel College, to seniors in the Communications internship class. This was my second year doing so, but this time was a bit different. Hearing the thoughtful questions asked and then answering them, I walked out of there a little more encouraged to keep going in my journey of what I want to do next.

Last week, I left my job to take a self-evaluation of what makes me happy and where I want to go with my career. Having been working for years now in fashion and retail, I realize how beneficial that experience has been for me. I quite literally have been taking a people study and learning a lot about the world around me. With this decision, I promised myself I wouldn’t sit around and do nothing. I’ve been taking advantage of every second I get to create, to go outside and meditate and to do the things I haven’t done in a while.

As I walk away from that and walk towards my next goal, I was inspired while on campus to remind myself of where I come from, to re-learn myself. These last 6 months I haven’t posted a blog and I haven’t even had the energy to write. I’ve had the biggest writer’s block of my life so far. Feeling uninspired, out of my element and anxious is a tough rut to be in. So finally, as I have a moment to step back, to look within, I feel clarity coming and even better, the words are coming back too. Sometimes we all have to abandon things we know to discover what we’re capable of. 

 

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Pedaling

 

As I was sitting in a park near my house, I was trying desperately to read the book I had with me. I find myself distracted easily and so, trying to read on a 75 degree day with all of the people around me was a near impossible feat. In between chapters, I looked up to a shrieking child on his bike. The scream really could have shattered glass, so I know I wasn’t the only one looking. I was curious to see if he had been hurt, but the boy was suddenly calm. His mother ran up behind him to ask if he was okay and to her he replied, “I don’t think I can do it.”

You could see on the mother’s face, she was annoyed and on a time crunch. Pleading with the boy, she wasn’t really making any headway so she decided to keep walking. As she walked away, he shrieked again. The woman sitting near me sort of giggled and I was glad I wasn’t the only one tuning in to this. The mother kept walking even when he shrieked and so I think the boy got the idea that she wasn’t going to wait. He finally tried again to pedal, making it about 30 feet before he stopped and wailed again. The same thing happened about 3 times until I couldn’t see him anymore so I’m guessing he made it okay.

As I tried to go back to my reading, the woman next to me said, “I remember those days”. I concurred and said how things were so much easier. Looking back to that little scene, I realized I’m still trying to figure out how to keep pedaling just like that boy learning how to ride the bike.

In my own life, things that scare me are irrational fears like spiders or the ocean. This kid was trying to learn, how can we fault him for that? We all have our own ways, but we all experience similar things at some points. It’s weird bout of changes that you go through in your 20’s and that is something I find I have to adjust to. It’s not only so hard to brace yourself for change, it’s really difficult to know that when it happens, you can’t let everything go or stop your whole life either.

The shrieks that he made were similar to the anxiety that so many of us feel when something in our life shifts. For me, I try to meditate or to go do something that makes me really happy and fulfilled. I find once I’ve re-centered myself on what brings me joy and peace, I can tackle those changes much better.  So now I’m curious, what do you do to keep “pedaling”?

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